In August  2022 I started a series of talks and mindfulness practices for negative self talk. The purpose of this topic is to bring awareness to the way that we talk to ourselves – specifically the negative self talk and the underlying self judgments that we engage in that cloud our perceptions of ourselves and by implication, the rest of the world. Hopefully by the end of this topic not only will you be more aware of your own negative self talk, but you will also be able to identify and release it effectively.

Dearest yogi & yogini,

 
"You are enough.

A thousand times enough." 

—Unknown

There are seven common expressions of negative self talk which represents some of the most typical judgments and negative self talk that many of us experience. Learning these categories and the corresponding language that they often employ can help you identify negative self talk as soon as it starts.

Each of the seven common categories of expression include a built in judgment and each has its own set of catchphrases and buzzwords. These result in some of the most typical ways that we speak negatively to ourselves, or in a manner that is untrue, unhelpful and unkind.

The seven common expressions are; overreaction, personalization, absolute language, assumption, expectation, comparison and self blame.  Let’s look at each of these a little bit more deeply.

Assumption: “He thinks I am not good enough !“ Making assumptions is one of the most common types of judgments that lead to negative self talk.

When we make assumptions, we assume we know what others are thinking or feeling about us, we judge that their thoughts or feelings about us are negative and then we berate ourselves because of this judgment. In other words we actually agree with the assumption we are making, even when it it mkight not have any basis in reality.

Our assumptions are more often reflective of what we think of ourselves than what anyone else thinks about us, and when we make assumptions, even small ones, they can fan the flames of our negative self talk.

Catch phrases: they think… They feel… They did this because…

Expectation: “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be!” Not meeting an internal expectation is one of the biggest ways we create negative self talk. If we set an expectation for ourselves that we don’t meet, few of us say things like, “That’s OK  I did my best and everything will be OK,“ even though this is almost always how we would speak to our best friends or a loved ones.

Expectation is a common way that we take a positive habit or practice we’re involved in and use it against ourselves, and when we do so, negative self talk is sure to follow.

Catch phrases: this isn’t how I wanted it…… This isn’t how it’s supposed to be…… I am supposed to be……

Self Reflection exercise : As you go about your day notice the Assumptions & Expectations that you carry as an aspect of self judgement and negative talk described above. Notice the triggers that make you susceptible to this inner talk. Take a friendly inventory and try to shift the focus to more mindful self talk free of judgement, comparison & evaluation.

It is also important to remember that if all you can see today is the negative self talk that doesn’t mean that you have failed in someway it’s simply means that you have begun your journey towards changing your self narrative. Like all good things more insight will come with practice.

NEXT MONTH - lets look at comparison as self judmental negative self talk.

All Love,