In August  2022 I started a series of talks and mindfulness practices for negative self talk. The purpose of this topic is to bring awareness to the way that we talk to ourselves – specifically the negative self talk and the underlying self judgments that we engage in that cloud our perceptions of ourselves and by implication, the rest of the world. Hopefully by the end of this topic not only will you be more aware of your own negative self talk, but you will also be able to identify and release it effectively.

Dearest yogi & yogini,

 
"You are enough.

A thousand times enough." 

—Unknown

There are seven common expressions of negative self talk which represents some of the most typical judgments and negative self talk that many of us experience. Learning these categories and the corresponding language that they often employ can help you identify negative self talk as soon as it starts.

Each of the seven common categories of expression include a built in judgment and each has its own set of catchphrases and buzzwords. These result in some of the most typical ways that we speak negatively to ourselves, or in a manner that is untrue, unhelpful and unkind.

The seven common expressions are; overreaction, personalization, absolute language, assumption, expectation, comparison and regret.  Let’s look at each of these a little bit more deeply.

Absolute language: “I am a bad person“. Absolute language expressed in negative self talk is when we take a description and make it a part of who we are. For example a factual statement like, “I have fat on my body”, becomes “I am fat”. Fat is not a person, but simply a part of the body.

When we use absolute language we are distorting the truth. You are ascribing something to yourself and making it YOU. Instead of being a person who might have behaved in a manner you now regret, you described yourself as I am bad.

These judgments can be particularly hurtful because we identify ourselves with them even though they are not clear perceptions of reality. If we tell ourselves we are these things again and again, we eventually start to believe it to the point that we mistake these attributes for who we really are.

This can also happen through negation. In other words “I am not“ is just as powerful as “I am“. And these are the two catchphrases for this tendency of self-expression.

Self Reflection exercise : As you go about your day notice the Absolute Language aspect of self judgement and negative talk described above. Notice the triggers that make you susceptible to this inner talk. Take a friendly inventory and try to shift the focus to more mindful self talk free of judgement, comparison & evaluation.

It is also important to remember that if all you can see today is the negative self talk that doesn’t mean that you have failed in someway it’s simply means that you have begun your journey towards changing your self narrative. Like all good things more insight will come with practice.

NEXT MONTH - lets look at assumptions & expectations as self judmental negative self talk.

All Love,